ok, so i dont have a fucking clue what is going on. E/everyone is leaving beautys and going to fantassias palace which i have been to a couple of times but i just cant get on with how it works. the chat moves way too quickly for me. plus, rhondwynn has stopped talking to me. fuck knows why. i havent done anything to upset her so i'll pass on that one
rt is working out ok, except for the fact that wills lot are down at the moment and driving me insane. i fucking hate kids and yet people expect me to change around wills niece and nephew. just coz they are stood infront of me, it aint gonna change the way i feel about kids. mum and wills mum have both been going on about when am i going to make them grandparents. well, tough fucking luck, they'll be waiting a long time. i'm 20 years old and am not willing to ruin the rest of my life just to make them grandparents.
open university has been chucked in the bin. i just couldnt get on with it. i know, i shouldnt quit blah blah blah. but when are people going to realise i am not clever enough to do university work. why cant they face the fact that i am happy working and saving up for a house that i may get one day *fingers crossed* will doesnt seem that interested in anything. seems to be content just working weekends and supposably doing his nvq work during the week. well, IM NOT CONTENT. i am so pissed off with living in this god forsaken grease pit which is his parents house. how they have not been shut down by the EHO i dont know. the roof in the kitchen leaks, there is a hole in the living room ceiling. the dish washer doesnt work, the washing machine is crap. there are mice running riot in the place. and the kitchen is just filthy. its covered in grease ect ect.
decorated our room last week. will and his mother decided to get the wrong fucking paint so now the room looks pink. I FUCKING HATE PINK. at least our new wardrobe came so that we actually have somewhere to hang our clothes.
i really want to go back home. but i dont want to leave will. im torn between two places. i want to go home coz i miss my family, i miss the dogs, i miss the fact that i can sit in the living room and have a decent conversation with someone. but if i leave here will cant come with me so i am stuck. plus, there just isnt enough room at mums anymore. but i know if i stay here much longer i am going to kill myself. i just cant put up with wills parents, i cant put up with the way the house is filthy all the time.
i dont think will has realised how i feel. he seems content to stay at home, play on the computer, watch tv. do FUCK ALL basically. i think i am getting cabin fever. i need to go out somewhere, do something. even if its just going to the cinema. hell i cant remember the last time i went to the cinema. the last time i went to the pub was at our works do, before christmas. i am stuck in a boring marriage, AND IM NOT EVEN MARRIED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!
*goes to kill myself*