*screams*

why is it hurting so much? i dont understand it. the pain never goes away. i take painkiller after painkiller and nothing seems to work. i am dreading tomorrow coz the concert is gonna be packed and it is going to be agony. oh well, guess i had better go to bed coz i've got an early morning. oh joy.

i got bored at work so i started writing

I lie there, unable to move. Chest heaving, winded by the impact. The ground shakes as I feel them run past me, their bodies full of life, sweating gleaming in the sun.

Dark pools of chocolate eyes watch as men run to me. My owner, my master, stands above me, placing a shaking hand on my neck. I watch him as he looks over my battered body, eyes resting on my leg, broken, shattered by the fall.

I try to lift myself, admitting defeat as my energy leaves me.

A curtain of darkness surrounds me, held up by figures with unseen faces. Another man, dressed in brightly coloured silk, limps towards me, his hand, knuckles bloodied, lowers to my chest. Sadness fills his face.

A figure approaches us, shiny metal object in hand. My eyes close, listening as he nears me. The object presses to my head as I let out a final sigh, waiting for the click.

Pained words fill my ears as the man in silk, my jockey, talks to me, whispering

'If only you hadn't fallen'

CLICK

shouldnt have got out of bed

well, i'm still ill *sighs* got out of bed around 12ish and been regretting it ever since. went over to the shop to get a magazine and was just about to settle down to read it when Wills mother came in and said i could either do the ironing or tidy the back room. i cant iron to save my life so i tidied. its still a bloody mess and its now 15:30. ggggggrrrrrrrrrr

*sighs*

well, thats today over and done with. head still isnt feeling any better with this cold. fingers crossed thursday if finally sorted and organised so i can go to this bloody concert. i'm starting to think its more hassle than its worth. am seriously tempted to kill audrey.....the stupid bloody woman keeps sticking her nose in where it isnt wanted and its startign to annoy me.

~goes to bed~

hhhhhmmmmm

well, i thought i would give this a try as my head to full of crap and i need to make space for more crap.

well today. i have a bloody cold like everyone else and it kept me up half the night so now i'm cranky and likely to bite anyone and everyones head off. *looks down* and now the dog has decided to sit on me which makes typing sssssoooooooo much easier *rolls my eyes*

anyway, work is really pissing me off at the moment. i have absolutely crap hours. i seem to be working the ones that SHE (evil bitch woman from hell) doesnt want. ever since SHE came back to work everything has changed to accomodate her. who the hell does SHE thinks SHE is? SHE strolls back in after being on the sick for 6 months, takes all the hours, decides SHE doesnt want to work saturdays. SHE only came back because her sick pay finished. BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! it really pisses me off that jess and i kept that place running after the manager was sacked. there was only two of us and i had been there the longest. i had only been there for about 3 MONTHS and they leave me in charge. where was SHE then? oh oh, i'm too ill. BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!

*sighs as the dog jumps off and walks away with a slipper* open university isnt helping either. no-one seems to realise i am really struggling with it. i keep telling Will that i dont want to do it, i end up in tears most times i try to do it. He says i should just finish this module and then see where i want to go from there. i just find it so frustrating.

everything seems to be getting me down at the moment. Will gets annoyed with me because i get into black moods and disappear off for a walk. i dont want to get depressed again but i cant help it. i havent gone back to the knife yet which is a good sign. it hasnt got that far

me and my dad

.

harry potter

ok, i love the films ect as much as the next person but i am so fed up of seeing the movies (well except for the prisoner one coz that has gary oldman in it). little sisters have got the chamber of secrets on for about the hundredth time. please give it a rest. am thinking of killing them *sighs*

oh well, back to beautys